"Sometimes, Grandma reads me stories at night."
Comment Jason made to me as I put him to bed about a week and a half ago. I asked him if he wanted to have my mother's ashes in his room that night.
Chinese Wisdom Concerning Money
[19September-2007 @ 17:11 EST: Revised preamble. This page still gets the most search hits: There is no Anthony de Croud. The e-mail is SPAM. I post things that pique my fancy at the moment. I like the 8 precepts, but the rest of the e-mail is junk. However, I thought it fair to post everything in its entirety. I did not write the e-mail. I did not forward the e-mail. I strongly encourage you not to forward it either. (I also encourage you to reply to whomever sent you the e-mail and tell them you don't appreciate getting junk mail.)] Received this in our e-mail (English translation follows): PRECEPTO CHINO SOBRE EL DINERO EL DINERO PUEDE COMPRAR UNA CASA, PERO NO UN HOGAR, EL DINERO PUEDE COMPRAR UN RELOJ, PERO NO EL TIEMPO. EL DINERO PUEDE COMPRAR UNA CAMA, PERO NO EL SUEÑO. EL DINERO PUEDE COMPRAR UN LIBRO, PERO NO EL CONOCIMIENTO. EL DINERO PUEDE PAGAR UN MÉDICO, PERO NO LA SALUD. EL DINERO PUEDE COMPRAR UNA POSICIÓN, PERO NO EL RESPETO. EL DINERO PUEDE COMPRAR LA SANGRE, PERO
Comments
Since my mother is dead, the only thing we have of her is her ashes and I let grandma sleep with the kids if they want. They have yet to refuse. I do not see the point of having her remains sitting somewhere out of the way. Since she is portable, I let her be close to the kids.
I don't know if my mother reads to him or tells him storie sin his dreams. He did also say right afterwards that he misses her. Which I guess is good, since he was only 5 when she died and during the last 2 years of her life we didn't visit as much since the chemo used to wear her out and knock out her immune system. Finding a time when my mother was reasonably well and the kids were not at risk of infecting her with something was difficult. We visited once a week after a stomach flu passed through our house. My mother was sick for a week afterward.
We also look at pictures and I tell my kids about her so they remember.
You all must miss her terribly.
I don't know what I want done with my ashes. I kinda like the idea of a regular burial site with a marker since it would be a fixed place where anyone could go at any time.
carra: I bear no grudge against you.
MOI: my mother wanted to be buried and not cremated, but she also wants to be buried with my dad. Since he is not dead yet, keeping her portable was the only option. I grew up with the notion that burial was preferable over cremation. However, having my mother so easily accessible is quite nice.
Rituals, customs, and traditions can go a long way to helping in the healing process, but sometimes I think they go too far. Some cultures have mutes and professional mourners - personally, I think that is taking things too far.
I also think the grief counselling that so often is hyped and promoted (especially in schools) after a death is wrong too and possibly harmful. I think it reinforces the idea that if you are not affected, there must be something wrong with you.
I prefer to take life my life neat, without adulteration. Of course, the only thing I ask is that I actually understood it better.