Somebody to Love
When the truth is found to be lies
and all the joy within you dies
don't you want somebody to love
don't you need somebody to love
wouldn't you love somebody to love
you better find somebody to love
A few months ago, when my emotional state was bouncing around between low and very low, I was listening a lot to Jefferson Airplane's "Somebody to Love". I would have preferred to be listening to Bif Naked's "I Love Myself Today", but I was too apathetic to go find the CD.
One of my problems over the past little (long?) while, is that I have been feeling acutely lonely. People do not understand. After all, how can I be lonely if I have a wife, kids, family and friends?
It is a loneliness that longs for a kindred spirit. Unfortunately, I am not a typical person. There is no question that my vision of reality, my view of the world is unique to me. The problem is that I cannot find anyone who even closely resembles me. I can find people who share facets, but there is no wholeness.
If you imagine life as a journey, where we all begin at the same place. Over time we begin to choose different paths. The path I have chosen is definitely the path less traveled (to coin Robert Frost's 'The Road not Taken'). I remember looking up from where I was and not seeing anyone, not hearing any voices and not knowing where I was.
Sometimes, I wonder if the path I have chosen was the right path. I am human. I enjoy, I need, the companionship of others ... but my path leads me far from the company of others. There is beauty were I am, but I have no one to share it with.
I remember, many years ago, a friend told me, "Your world is too beautiful. I cannot accept it."
P.S.
My emotional and mental states continue to be excellent. I write this as a dispassionate observer of the past (and to clean out some of my pending posts)
[edited 12-Oct-2005 to remove repeated word. sheesh! you would think I never proof these things before I publish.]
Comments
Thanks for dropping by my blog so often nowadays. By the way, the actual URL for the papercars is http://www.papercars.net/cars.html.
Will be posting more papercraft stuff on my blog! Do check back for more details. :)
Elvina, I keep dropping by because (1) you write well, and (2) you flatter my ego by posting back :-)
It is too early in the morning, I should be focussed on writing buggy ... I mean bug free ... code, not blogging.
Remarkable really.
My sweetie, who I attribute my lack of loneliness to, claims that he has never felt lonely. And was suprised when I expressed how deeply lonely I used to feel. I remember thinking how remarkable and rare it was that he would feel no loneliness. That anyone could.
I can almost concur with your sweetie. For most of my life, I never really felt lonely (except for about half a day when I was 22 or so - it was significant enough that I recall it). As I journeyed through life, I always expected that one day I would meet up with kindred spirits.
I have met many interesting and wonderful people as I journey, and I continue to do so - these past few weeks have been delightfully filled with people dropping comments on my blog. I feel like a little kid who is at the centre of attention.
Since it seems I have journeyed out of despondency, I no longer feel lonely, but I am aware of being alone.
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