The 50% solution

People often talk about relationships being 50-50.

I disagree, if your contribution to a relationship is only 50%, then that relationship will soon be over.

Why? Because there are days when one partner or the other, simply is not going to be able to give their 50%. On these days, there is a gap / gulf between the two. Once you get enough days with a gulf between the two, the relationship falls apart.

Relationships are 100-100. Each member of the relationship gives 100%. This way, on days when one or the other or both are unable to give 100%, they are covered. And hopefully, the number of days when there is a gap between the two is either zero or very few.

Comments

Lunafish said…
When people say, "I am not getting enough from the relationship" I wonder what the balance is of what they bring to the relationship.
So many problems come from comparing the sweetheart to the list of what a sweetheart should be. The list is the problem.
ingrid said…
Great comment Richard. I never thought of it that way before.
Bee said…
Perhaps it depends on the type of relationship one is in... so the % indicates the depth and commitment one has to that relationship.

Most guys seem to be unwilling to commit 100% most time or they tend to waver in the commitment.
Richard said…
lunafish: Yes, lists can be a problem. I see the list as a set of expectations you have for your honey to measure up to.

ingrid: Cool! Glad I could offer another point of view.

Bee: I have to confess that I never understood why people get into relationships they are unwilling to commit to or persist in a relationship when it is clear the other is not willing to commit. Commitment in relationships is probably the only thing in my life I have ever had really, really clear in my mind. So, in that regard I am definitely atypical (and in so many other ways too ...). To me there is no relationship if there is no commitment - just a waste of time.
CrystalLime said…
maybe when people say 50:50 in relationship, they are looking at the couple as a whole of 100%, instead of 200%. A couple together should be consider as one whole. I always interpret it as both parties putting in equal amount of effort and both parties should respect the other as equal. or maybe i am the odd one out misinterpreting all these while! hahaha...
letter for you said…
I sure do hope relationships are 100-100 (which includes giving and receiving); but there's always the imperfection.
Striking a balance is usually unachievable; be it 50 or 100, as always its the imbalance that caused the fall-offs.
I agree with richard's: "To me there is no relationship if there is no commitment - just a waste of time."
Bee said…
Richard said: "To me there is no relationship if there is no commitment - just a waste of time."

Isn't all relationships start as casual friends without any commitment? Why would it be as waste of time to have casual relationship just as friends?
Richard said…
crystallime: From my point of view, both parties must each be willing to accept and commit to 100% effort on both parts. If commitment is only to doing their share of the relationship, on days they cannot fulfill their obligations, there is going to be a shortfall. Get enough shortfalls and the relationship falls apart.

LFY: there is always imbalance, that is why both must be committed to doing more than just "their fair share" because there will be days when they are called upon to do more and days when they are unable to fulfill their share. So there needs to be overlap.

bee: you are correct that all relationships start of casual Friendships in their various stages have differing demands. I was focussed on the couple / partner / mate relationship as opposed to the more general relationship. Sofia is my mate and my relationship with her is not just about meeting her halfway.
Bee said…
Hmmn.. perhaps it would be helpful if u r more specific, maybe to say, "a marriage relationship"? :P

To me, the word "relationship" is very general... so I don't see the 50-50 or 100-100 an issue.

What I see in most couples is an imbalance of different %, e.g. 40-60, 30-70, etc... very hard to find the 100-100 cases.

You must be very blessed to have found 100-100 in your relationship.

Happy for u. :)

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