Not yet immune to diddling my time away

Sigh. Mental state is going down - if it continues, it will eventually affect my emotional state.

I've been off work for a week so far as Sofia works in Spain. The kids are out of the house for several hours each day, so I had hopes of actually accomplishing stuff. The problem is that ... nada. If I am reincarnated, I'm afraid I might come back as an apple fritter.

The house is a little bit messier than when I got here. I manage to occupy my time with things non-productive - internet is a big time killer, so is playing with various development tools (no games or TV have sapped my time).

Joi had a post on how she managed to accomplish some things. The problem is that there is no manage formula for doing things. In the end, you just have to do it.

Currently mulling over why I find it hard to start things (or finish them when I start). I know one problem I have is lack of sense of urgency. Maybe it is rooted in my educational experience where I had very little work (or maybe found it too easy) that good study habits were never ingrained (I use to do my assignments minutes before class - during recess, etc).

Hopefully, I'll get of my as and actually start doing stuff. Bleh. Maybe, it will all pass.

On the other hand, some achievements have been made. I've managed to get the kids to help with picking up things. They are eating more variety of food without too much coercion. And I am getting them to bed by 20:00. As well, I've started reading a novel in French (Le Secret de Whilhelm Storitz) - need to strengthen my French, I am a very slow reader in French - a bit frustrating at times considering how quickly I chew through things in English (unless there are a lot of equations on the page).

Things I've discovered on the Internet this week:

Star Trek: The New Voyages - fan made episodes based on the original series.

A humourous video mix for "At the Gay Bar" by Electric Six. The melody is catchy and the melody fits my criteria of being sufficiently absurd to make it funny (WARNING: may disturb the extreme right ;-)

If you are a fan of "The Matrix", then you might find ping-pong matrix style amusing.

And, finally, for cat lovers, there is always this.

Image nabbed from here.


Glad you are feeling ok. Sometimes I wish I do have time to diddle away. I worked too hard. Pushed myself too hard. Fell quite ill last week - vomitting seven times in one day. Fortunately I recovered in time for the Chinese New Year Holidays...which is today! :)

I do pray that in this upcoming year, I can relook at my life and think about how I would like to live it for the next 30 years. Felt like I have travelled a long way, but then again, so have you.

Thanks for walking some of the way with me.

Have a good week!
Richard said…
While my emotional state is still fine, it won't be much longer if my mental state doesn't improve.

I don't want to diddle away the time - I want to accomplish things. I don't want to look back on my deathbed and say "I wish I had ..."

I think most people have travelled further than me. I have been blessed most of my life to have had a fairly good and calm life, without much turmoil or trouble. One of the reasons I think I have difficulty coping with feelings of malaise - I never had to.

Hope you have a good year of the dog.
ingrid said…
As a fellow diddler, I soooo relate.

I am glad that school starts soon. I should not be workless, since I work less.
Richard said…
Well, Ingrid, recreating or just taking time for oneself is fine. The problem is that when it becomes chronic - or at least is perceived as chronic. I feel I am capable of doing more and yet ... I choose to avoid doing more (at times it can be quite demoralizing).

I hope you enjoy your studies and they motivate you to achieve much.
Anonymous said…
I'm no better than you, richard.
There were times when I'm like that' and just can't pull up my socks to get things done. You should see my house (back then), its alot more messier than yours, am sure(heaps of laundry & ironings, etc etc); I can be the greatest draggg at times. ;>
Haven't been posting for awhile; guess its our Chinese New Year, preparations in ushering the Year of the Dog, haha! and officework too. Seems I've been doing things more for people lately.
Richard said…
LYO: maybe we should have a contest. I prefer to describe myself as "casual", Sofia prefers to describe me as "messy" (as does my mother and pretty much anybody else who had ever seen my apartment).

Piles of stuff are pretty common for me - generally it is books, papers, and dishes.

I consider myself to be spatial-temporally oriented. I expect things to be were I left them. So when Sofia picks up after me, I get very disoriented - example: if I put a book on top of the pianos, two weeks later when I go to pick it up and it is not there, I find it extremely disturbing - since the world is not as I left it.

I should point out that for me there is a big distinction between being messy and dirty. One of my friends is pretty much in the "casual" vein as I am. I feel comfortable in her home, Sofia considers it a disaster zone.

Converesly, Sofia is much more organized than I am. She actually files things (I just throw them in a pile). Strangely enough, I can't find anything once it is filed (mind you, it should be trivial for me to just go to the folder that says "Taxes" and pull out tax information, but somehow, my brain doesn't work that way. Instead it says something like, "We received it two months ago, so it must be in the collection of papers in the laundry basket next to the nightstand".

What we really need is a bigger house with a room or two where I can be organized anyway I want. Otherwise, Sofia brings up that we have two small kids and casually leaving important documents around is not a smart thing to do.
Anonymous said…
hahaha! hey, we can shake hands! I don't consider myself messy or dirty either, just 'disorganised' ;>
when it gets too neat, I'm lost! must've stacks of bills around my computer desk but my girl will start clearing them up when the pile gets higher.
But then, on the other hand; if I'm in the mood of tidying up, it gets real spic! - only for a while and the cycle goes on.

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